You're Going To Be OK!

I want to introduce you guys to my best friend, Carmen. When I called her last week I asked her what she was doing and she said "Oh, I'm just in the car crying." Obviously extremely concerned I asked her why and what had happened. She said "Because my son didn't want to go to school today and now we are going to be late! No, he didn't want to do ANYTHING this morning. Didn't want to get dressed, didn't want to eat, didn't want to cooperate at ALL!" And of course I replied, "So why are you crying...?" I knew right then she had to write about this and she did.

She is one of the strongest and most beautiful hearted people I know. She is also annoyingly optimistic and I say that with the utmost love and respect for her advice when I call her pissed off. Hopefully she can continue to share her years of experience and help other moms realize they're going to be OK!

---

You're Going To Be OK!

Raise your hand if someone gave you a wonderful guide to be a mother before you had your child…. I’ll wait…. still looking for hands…. oh yea, that’s right! There was no guidebook to reference when we set off on the hardest journey of our lives! So, with no guidebook we start looking for answers. We turn to family, friends, doctors, health care professionals, strangers (yea I said it, strangers LOL) and other mothers. Here are some of the responses I’ve received when asking this question, “How do I be a good mother?” “You should be……” 1. Patient 2. Consistent 3. Forgiving 4. Calm 5. Organized 6. Loving 7. Friendly 8. Fierce 9. Knowledgeable 10. Brave With these responses ringing in my ears, I became terrified! At 8 months pregnant with my first child, all that pressure hit me like a ton of bricks and I fell to my knees, curled into a fetal position on the floor. I began to feel completely overwhelmed because I couldn’t even accomplish #1 let alone 2,3,4,5 or 6 etc. But I have a secret and some good news for you!!!! You’re going to be OK! Webster’s Dictionary defines being a mother as: A women in relation to her child or children. Oh SNAP!!!! It’s really that simple! All I must do is be related to them!? So, I began to master one number off that list, at a time. The first one I decided to master was being PATIENT. That doesn’t seem that hard, but, boy did my kids teach me how to be patient because anything that could go wrong in our day, undoubtedly did. I learned quick to take a deep breath and just roll with it. The second one I decided to master was FORGIVING. I began to see, really quick, if I didn’t forgive, I was just going to be mad ALL day and that’s just all around bad for EVERYONE! As the wife and mother, in my home my mood and attitude determine the mood and attitude of my husband and children. I began to see it was a trickle-down effect. If mommy wasn’t happy then, no one was happy. There is something so powerful and frightening in that. (Another post for another time). I am 4 years into being a mother and I’m at the point in my life, where I’m beginning the process of mastering number 6 on the list: LOVING. This may sound so backwards to people because you would think that love would be the first thing to learn as a mother. For a lot of women out there it probably was or probably will be, but not for me. There are so many different levels and kinds of love (that’s a whole other post, for another time). It took me 4 years to learn and understand that LOVE needs to be my foundation of motherhood. Again, I would like to reiterate MY foundation, to make me and MY family flourish, this is what worked for us. You will find your own ways to flourish. (others may have their own foundations.) I’ve learned that when I can freely love my kids all the rest will fall into place. What do I mean by “the rest will fall into place”? Well…… When I was a brand-new mom I thought: · Your house needs to be clean · Your laundry needs to be done · Your dishes need to be done · You need to say and do all the “right” things · You cannot be mad at your kids · You must like your kids · You can’t feed them take out or food from a box · You can’t ask for help, that means your weak or a bad mom · You must be the strongest · You need to get your body back in shape · You need to look cute and your kids need to look cute · The list goes on and on, a constant stream of pressures I put on myself that ran like a loop in my head constantly, telling me everything I was doing was wrong You need to do ALL these things and more or you’re a bad mom, your weak, your worthless and you must not love your kids. Other moms were doing it, so why couldn’t I? Again, it’s very simple, just because other moms are doing it, doesn’t mean I have to. I didn’t have to do any of it, if I didn’t want to! I don’t NEED to do any of these things, and it doesn’t make me less of a mother and it doesn’t mean I love my kids any less. You can be numbers one through ten on the list, you can be bullet points or none of the bullet points, you can be so much more, or so much less.

BUT GUESS WHAT!? It’s OK! You're going to be OK! Your kids are going to be OK! If the dictionary said all I had to do was just be related to them, and I’m trying to be everything I listed, then, Dang, I AM AN AMAZING MOTHER!!!! Because I’m telling you now, I’m doing a hell of a lot more than just being related to them. And I’m proud of myself! My kids are OK! And I am OK!